


Like a worn-out recording of a favorite song

by Blanquette



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling Back In, Falling Out of Love, Lee Minhyuk-centric, Light Angst, Love, M/M, One Shot, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 20:58:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14656110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blanquette/pseuds/Blanquette
Summary: Minhyuk learns to let go and that might be what saves them.That, and installing weird chatting apps on his phone.





	Like a worn-out recording of a favorite song

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even kidding this all happened because of the pina colada song. I almost didn't post it but then I thought, I have nothing to lose and the hh economy is in shambles. 
> 
> The suspension of disbelief you need for this thing is out of this world.

**1.**

He doesn’t notice it, at first, the distance growing between them. He doesn’t notice it, but there’s an uneasy feeling blooming deep within him. There’s coldness seeping in their morning smiles and a metallic edge to their parting words. Touches that become almost mechanic, performed out of need rather than love. It’s Hyungwon turning away on his side rather than tucking him against his chest, it’s him dragging his feet to get home, it’s them and their conversation that dies over reheated noodles that taste as bad as Minhyuk feels.

_I think he doesn’t see me anymore._

_What do you mean?_

_I’m there but I could as well not be. I feel like I’m disappearing, and he’s just waiting until I do._

_I think I know what you mean._

_You do?_

_Yeah._

**2.**

Minhyuk wonders why they don’t fight. Wonders if hate and cruel words would be less painful than this glaring nothingness. He tries to be annoying. Stops doing the dishes. Sticks his freezing feet against Hyungwon’s naked calves. Forgets half the groceries on purpose. But Hyungwon doesn’t yell, doesn’t tell him to get it together. Hyungwon sighs and does the dishes himself and Minhyuk wonders still, watching his back, if this is it. If he’s watching them die a slow death, and there’s nothing he can do about it.

_He doesn’t think we’re worth saving._

_Are you sure?_

_I don’t know_

_Why don’t you talk to him?_

_I don’t know how to do that anymore. Maybe he’s right. Maybe we’re not worth saving._

**3.**

He tries to leave. He waits until Hyungwon is at work, and drags the suitcase from under the bed. He puts some clothes inside, enough for a week, maybe, and he looks around their shared apartment for mementos he could take with him. Minhyuk is sentimental. He grows attached to places and things and people and smells and the way the afternoon light falls on their coffee table. He stands and he stares and there’s nothing he can take that could fill the chasm he feels opening within him.

Hyungwon gets home and Minhyuk is still there, still staring, hands cold and eyes wet. Hyungwon stares and stares and he makes a step in his direction and there’s something akin to worry in his face but Minhyuk cannot believe it. So he forces a smile and empty words of greetings and when he gets back into the bedroom later, much later, the suitcase has been put away and the clothes are back in the wardrobe. Hyungwon doesn’t turn away on his side but he doesn’t pull him close, either, and Minhyuk wonders if he just dreamed it up, the suitcase and the light and the worry.

_I couldn’t leave._

_Why?_

_This is all I know._

_Is that the only reason?_

_I can’t imagine me without him._

_That doesn’t sound healthy._

_It isn’t._

**4.**

He tries, then. He smiles and he laughs and he talks too much and he fills their days with loudness. For a while it feels almost back to normal. Hyungwon falling asleep on him after a movie marathon. Him messing up a new recipe and Hyungwon eating it anyway, with a laugh and a grimace. Them meeting their friends and linking hands under the table. But it’s all frantic noises and frenzied gestures aimed at drowning out the ache. It’s insincere and unsustainable and soon Minhyuk is worn out, emptied in a way that leaves him languid and unresponsive.

_Thank you._

_For what?_

_Everything. Talking. I know you’re just a stranger on a weird app I downloaded out of boredom_

_Well gee thanks_

_Let me finish! But yeah. I feel like you get me somehow. And it helps._

_Anytime. I like talking to you too._

_I know. I’m very likable._

_And let’s not forget your humble modesty_

_It’s my best trait!_

**5.**

If he can only stay he hopes Hyungwon will leave. For one of them must, it seems like the only possible outcome. He comes home each day with sweaty hands and his heart hammering in his chest as he opens the door, slowly, as if there was something inside that would spook were he to be hasty. He steps in, looks around the house for something out of place, something that will tell him, half of the wardrobe is now empty, half of your heart has left.

But he finds nothing, Hyungwon unfailingly coming home every night, and there’s a part of Minhyuk that can’t help feeling relieved. It shows, too, in tentative smiles and shy touches that brings out a curious sort of smile on Hyungwon’s face. A sincere one, the first in ages, and Minhyuk feels giddy. It’s like a game, almost, and suddenly knowing that Hyungwon could leave him any day brings back luster to their time together. Some kind of desperate intensity, too, and each of his touches starts feeling like a goodbye.

_I think I took him for granted._

_Yeah?_

_Yeah._

_Does that mean you guys are doing better?_

_No. That means I’m saying farewell like I should have because he’s a person and not a thing and I need to learn to let go for both our sakes._

**6.**

He lets go. He lets go and they make love and somehow he thinks they both know this is the last time.

 

**7.**

It is strange, finding himself suddenly alone. It is strange and scary but also slightly freeing and Minhyuk tries not to think about the shape of the aching hole in his side. It’s days spent going out with old friends and watching movies alone and taking himself out on dates; days spent remembering that self-love is a thing and that he is complete, he is fine, he can be happy. He can be happy but he is not and deep down he knows why, but he would rather not dwell on it. So he throws himself in something else instead. In someone else.

_Would it be weird to meet up?_

_Kinda but also not that much._

_Honestly you’re like my best friend at this point_

_Lmao when did I get promoted?_

_When everyone else started looking at me like I’m gonna start bawling my eyes out anytime soon_

_Are you? Cause I’m shit at dealing with crying people like honestly I just freeze and gape._

_I’m not I’m a strong independent woman and also you know, emotions are not icky you can embrace them_

_I’ll do my best if you indeed do start bawling your eyes out_

_Oh so you’re gonna embrace me?_

_Are you flirting with me? Is that flirting? Cause if yes it’s shit flirting._

_Is it working?_

_A little?_

_Good._

**8.**

He chooses a nice coffee shop because there’s a voice at the back of his head sounding uncannily like his mother’s telling him to always meet strangers in public places. The guy isn’t a stranger, though, not really. They became friends over countless texts and if Minhyuk is honest with himself he’s a little attracted. The mystery is attractive. The thoughtfulness of the guy, too, gentle words and infinite care and just the right amount of dry humor to be enticing. So Minhyuk is excited. Minhyuk dresses up and ignores the pang in his chest when he catches his reflection in the mirror, the pang that says this is him moving on, this is him forgetting, this is him locking everything in the past and he refuses to cry because he promised himself he would not.

He comes early, tells the guy where he’s sitting and closes his eyes to calm himself down. This is okay, he’s fine. He’s not doing anything wrong, even if he feels like he’s betraying the uneasy truth he buried under his heart.

There a clatter, and –

“Minhyuk?”

And he opens his eyes and if this is the guy, he’s indeed not a stranger, not at all.

“What? What are you doing here?”

There’s a pause as Hyungwon stares at him, a vague hesitation in his face. He holds out his phone then, and Minhyuk thinks he wouldn’t mind being dead for a few days.

“I’m supposed to meet this guy I’ve been chatting with on a weird app for months.”

Minhyuk makes a strangled sort of noise as Hyungwon sits at the table, and what is he supposed to say? That this is terrible? That he’s mortified? That somewhere inside him, something feels a bit too much like relief? He remains silent instead and stares as Hyungwon fidgets until, slowly, there’s a sly smile creeping on his full lips.

“So you were cheating on me with me?”

That jolts Minhyuk because this he can do, this is familiar territory, and he paints his face in mock offense, talking slightly louder than necessary.

“It wasn’t cheating, it was just talking! I can’t believe I complained about you to you. How the heck do this kind of things even happen.”

Hyungwon laughs, but it dies soon enough, and he’s looking at his fingers splayed out on the tabletop, a faraway look in his eyes.

“I just can’t believe I didn’t guess. There were so many similarities.”

“Yeah, ‘twas uncanny I bet.”

“I just… I liked it. I liked that guy. You. I was happy when I thought you were flirting.”

“You must be disappointed.”

“Is it weird if I’m not?”

Hyungwon is looking at him then, eyes sharp, full of an intensity Minhyuk doesn’t dare decipher. But that’s the thing. He isn’t disappointed either. It is weird and uncomfortable and if he could leave he would but he isn’t disappointed, not disappointed at all. There’s something inside him that wants to reach out, smooth his fingers over Hyungwon’s face, his hair and his lips and the slope of his nose and he missed him so much he can barely breath. But he keeps his hands sagely tucked in his lap and schools his features into something sensible.

“I’m… I’m fine with that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Then… What do we do now?”

Minhyuk takes a deep breath, lets his eyes wander for a suspended moment. Wooden chairs and colorful tables and the smell of coffee, faint laughter and hushed conversations and the quiet song spilling out of the speakers. This place is safe and serene and maybe it’s ideal for new beginnings.

“Hi, my name’s Lee Minhyuk, nice to meet you. You’re different than what I pictured but not in a bad way. Let’s get to know each other, yeah?”

There’s a smile blooming on Hyungwon’s face, a real one, one he hasn’t seen in months, and it feels like a first time.

**Author's Note:**

> You can now direct all complaints to my [twitter](https://twitter.com/BlanquetteAO3).


End file.
